Monday, December 12, 2005

Shiny nails need not apply!

(Bump--Greetings to all HuffPo visitors)

The Toby Keith/Ford Truck campaign seems to be winding down. Finally.

In the beginning, I tuned them out as I do most car ads, since I don’t own a car or plan on purchasing a new one in the future. When I do buy one, it’s going to be constructed of armor-grade steel all the way around, like a Plymouth Fury Hooptie Deluxe. Something that could stand a chance, perhaps even coming out on top, in a Hummer collision.

For those of you that are not familiar with the TK Truck campaign, allow me to enlighten you:

There are three versions, and they all begin with TK in a concert situation. He’s playing his “I’m a Ford truck man/Built Ford Tough” song, when he raises his hand to his earpiece, listens, then stops the music. Then he says, “Any of yew own a Ford Truck? Yuh left yer lights on!” There’s a mighty stampede to the exits, presumably because everyone at the concert came in a Ford truck, and conceivably may have left their lights on.

One version shows a pan shot of an arena with empty seats, and TK says, “Wuhl, I’ll just wait ‘til yew guys get back!” OK, that works.

Another version shows the arena empty, except for two guys sitting next to each other holding cokes and popcorn, and TK says, “Yew knuckleheads gonna need a ride?” Doesn’t really work for me—did the guys get a ride to the concert? From their mom? Did they drive a Chevy truck? Were they driving **gasp** a Prius?

The third version shows the two guys with their popcorn and cokes, but also holding a sign saying “We ♥ Toby!” TK says, “Wuhl, Ford trucks separates the men from the boys!”

What does that mean? Allow me to deconstruct.

Taking the sign into consideration, it seems what he’s really saying, is that Ford truck ownership separates the men from the FAGS!

Straight men wouldn’t carry a sign saying “We ♥ Toby!”

Which brings me to discuss a radio ad for Ford trucks I heard last week during a country Top-40 countdown, done in the same format as Casey Kasem’s American Top 40.

(Note: I don’t listen to top-40 country music by choice, but one of my co-workers does. In the spirit of diversity and fairness, the people in my department tolerate each other’s music choices in rotation. Good thing too, because two of the popular country songs that are out now really annoy the shit out of me—“I’m a double XL” and that Brooks and Dunn song that says, “OOOOOOooooohooooooo, play somethin’ country!” Sometimes it’s all I can do to not throw the radio across the room when those songs come on. My payback is digging out my battered cassette of Adam and The Ants “Kings Of The Wild Frontier and playing “Beat My Guest.” I like old country, if you MUST hold a gun to my head and make me choose. Patsy Cline rules!)

They aired a commercial discussing manicures. As in “Why do they call them MANicures? If yew got shiny nails, yew got no bizness driving a Ford pick-up” This is verbatim, but nutshelled.

Does this leave out all the lesbians whose girlfriends do their nails for them, but drive a big black butch truck? Oh yeah—lesbians drive Outbacks.

©2005 House of Mayhem


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